Pamela Halliwell: Wiccan Outcast
by whereverwithyou
Summary: What if everything the sisters did to stop Wyatt turning evil failed? Is Pam the last hope for every witch in the world?


Pamela Halliwell: Wiccan Outcast

_Disclaimer/Author's Notes: The characters I don't own but stole from Spelling Television Company are: Chris, Bianca, Wyatt, Paige, Piper, Prue, Phoebe, and Leo._

_All of the music used has been stolen from popular artists/movies. Here's the list: _When You Believe _from _The Prince of EgyptI Hope You Dance _and _Something Worth Leaving Behind_ by Lee Ann Womack, _Boulevard of Broken Dreams _by Green Day, _Nobody's Home _by Avril Lavigne, _Somewhere Only We Know_ by Keane,_ Auld Lang Syne, Fur Elise _by Beethoven, _Fallen _and _Angel _by Sarah McLaughlin, _Hurt _by Johnny Cash, and _Better Days _by Josh Joplin. One thing you should know is that this is NOT a musical. The only above song that is sung by a character is _When You Believe_. All of the others are background music, just like a movie soundtrack. I know there's probably way too many songs in here, but I was inspired by all of them, so deal with it, will ya? _

_The year is 2024._

Ages:

Pam- 26

Chris: 20

Wyatt: 21

Allie: 7

………………………………

"Pam," I heard softly, "Wake up." I didn't move, since I was still in that half-sleep state where you're not too coherent. "Pam, wake up!" I felt a hand shaking me gently. My mind suddenly became clear. There could be danger right outside our door and I was sleeping like a log. I sat up instantly.

"Allie, what is it?" I asked her.

"I'm scared," she answered. I rested my hand on her shoulder.

"I know honey, but I told you, if we turn the lights on they could find us," I explained. "The dark isn't really that scary, anyway."

"It's not that," Allie informed.

"Oh. What is it then?"

"I'm scared I'm never gonna see you again."

"Come here," I sighed, motioning for my sister to sit next to me on the bed. A glance at my watch proved that it was one-thirty in the morning. "You'll see me again. I promise. I'll come back for you someday."

"When?" Allie asked.

"When it's safe. When things were like they used to be again."

"But, but… w-what if it's never safe, Pam? What did it used to be like? I don't remember everything you do, Pam, you're older! What if I get found, and they put me in jail?"

"Shh," I comforted, stroking her hair. It was a dirty blonde, just like our mother's. She resembled her so much, while here I was with this out-of-place dark red disaster. I guessed that I probably looked more like my father, whoever he was.

"Remember what I told you? As long as your powers are bound, no one will know you were born a witch." I knew that much was true. My uncle Mark had made my mom bind my cousins' Stella and Andy's powers just after all of this persecution started, back when their mother succumbed to it. I hadn't heard from them since, or seen them mentioned on the news as captured witches, so to the best of my knowledge, they were alright.

"There's no reason to be scared, Allie," I said. "Just go to sleep. You need your rest for tomorrow." Allie silently pulled the covers up around her. She snuggled up next to me. I put my arm around her. It was like a promise, that I would always protect her. I could tell she was still uneasy, but I knew from experience the one thing that could always calm her down. So softly and slowly I sang,

"_Many nights we've prayed,_

_With no proof anyone could hear._

_In our hearts a hopeful song we barely understood._

_Now we are not afraid_

_Although we know there's much to fear._

_We were moving mountains long before we knew we could._

_There can be miracles_

_When you believe._

_Though hope is frail_

_It's hard to kill._

_Who knows what miracles_

_You can achieve?_

_When you believe, somehow you will._

_You will when you believe._

_In this time of fear_

_When prayer so often proved in vain,_

_Hope seemed like the summer bird_

_To swiftly flown away._

_Yet now I'm standing here_

_With heart so full I can't explain._

_Seeking faith and speaking words I never thought I'd say._

_There can be miracles_

_When you believe._

_Though hope is frail_

_It's hard to kill._

_Who knows what miracles_

_You can achieve?_

_When you believe, somehow you will._

_You will when you believe,_

_When you believe._

_You will when you believe."_

I looked over to discover that my sister was already fast asleep. I gazed up at the ceiling as I longed for the day when I could have the luxury of sleeping that soundly again. For now, I would have to continue sleeping with one eye open, just as I'd been doing for the past six years.

……………………………….

"Why is your suitcase so empty?" I asked Allie.

"You always tell me to take only what I need," she answered.

I sighed. That was true. We'd moved from place to place so many times that lugging three or four bulging bags would be cumbersome, especially when you were trying to avoid being caught by demons. Usually we'd just pack clothes and money. A wave of sadness suddenly came over me as I thought back to the day I realized we weren't safe in the Manor any longer. _To leave our home and all we knew behind…_ I quickly brushed the memory away to avoid becoming maudlin.

"This time is different," I explained to Allie. "You can pack _all _of your stuff now, because you won't have to move again for a long time."

Allie rushed around our small, temporary, dingy one-room hovel, collecting whatever things she could find. I wished that I could find better places for us to stay in, but the nice areas were always too obvious. We'd be found in no time flat there, even if I used my invisibility power.

"Okay, I'm ready," Allie informed, walking towards me with her suitcase.

"Good. But before we go…" I started. I knew it would be hard to do what I was about to do, but I never imagined how difficult it was to just _say_ it. "I… I have to bind your powers."

Allie sighed. "Okay," she agreed reluctantly.

"I don't want to do it either, but you're safer without them. Don't worry. You'll get them back someday," I reassured. "Ready?"

"I guess so," Allie said. She closed her eyes in preparation.

She might have been ready, but I wasn't. I would never be, but I had to do it. It always troubled me that the world had become so harsh that gifts given to children for protection had to be taken away in order to actually protect them. Binding powers always seemed like removing a slice of someone to me, based on what my mom and aunts had always influenced. I remember thinking to myself, "Oh, I'll never do something that cruel to my child." And here I was doing it to my own baby sister.

"I take your hands in mine…" I began, "And with this string, I shall entwine, your powers I now bind, from now until another time."

I had to change a few words, but besides that, I'd taken this spell straight out of the long lost Book of Shadows. If I had used the original words, it was likely that Allie would be a mortal for the rest of her life. At least with my version I could reverse the effects… I hoped.

"Well?" I asked, "It didn't hurt, did it?"

"No," Allie replied. She waved her hand at a picture on the wall. Nothing happened. "My powers are gone."

"Good thing, too, because if you still had them, you would've blown up one of the two only pictures we have of mom!" I said as I took down the picture. That was the good one. The other was just a black-and-white copy of that one, transposed on a crumpled piece of printer paper. "Here, you take it," I said to Allie as I handed her the good copy. It was an old picture, the one I'd carried with me ever since I first found out I was adopted. "You'll have less of a chance of loosing it then I will." Allie took it diligently. "Ready to go?"

"Okay." She struggled to lift her bulky suitcase.

"Here, I'll take it," I offered. I swung it over my shoulder effortlessly. All of this constant demon-hunting had made me pretty strong.

"Pam, what about yours?"

"I have all I need in my pockets," I said. Inside them were twenty-five dollars, a stick of gum, and a scrying crystal. "C'mon." I swung my head towards the door. Allie followed me out.

………………………………

We got off the bus and turned onto Roosevelt Avenue. Allie and I shuffled down the street. I stopped in front of a large blue house, and Allie immediately copied. There was the address, right on the mailbox. 7571 Roosevelt Avenue. I knew that I had to walk Allie up to the door, but I froze. I'd been prepared for this day for so long, and suddenly I had cold feet. I'd been in battles ten times scarier looking than a blue suburban house, but it seemed to terrify me the most.

"Pam?" Allie asked, wondering why I was just staring at it from the sidewalk.

"Right," I said, snapping out of my daze. "C'mon Allie." We walked up the front porch and I rang the bell.

A thirty-something woman opened the door. She had dark brown hair, glasses, and wore a sweater and ankle-length khaki skirt. Obviously a mortal. No witch would bother to dress so properly while there were killer demons running amuck.

"M-Mrs. Reese?" I asked, stuttering a bit.

"Yes, can I help you?" She looked at Allie. "Oh, this must be—"

"Prudence Allison. But she prefers to be called Allie. Actually, she can't stand Prudence…" I started to explain.

"Yes, we've been told all of this already," Mrs. Reese said gently. "Well, Allie, come inside." Allie obeyed, and I followed. "I haven't seen you before… are you her mother?" Mrs. Reese asked me.

"No, uh, her sister Pam. Our mother is dead," I answered solemnly.

"Oh, I see," Mrs. Reese said sympathetically. "What a shame. Have you raised her yourself, or—"

"Her dad's dead too," I said, remembering the fatal car crash. Some part of me still believed it was done purposely by Wyatt to get him out of our lives, to make us more vulnerable.

"Oh, I see. Well, we're happy to welcome Allie into our home." A man appeared from a nearby room. "This is my husband Frank. Frank, this is Allie and her sister Pam."

"Well hello there, Allie," Mr. Reese said, smiling.

"Frank, why don't you show Allie around?" Mrs. Reese suggested. They took off. I almost followed stealthily, but remembered that I didn't have to protect her anymore. I'd made sure that these people weren't in any way associated with Wyatt, his men, or any demons for that matter. (Plus I could read their minds.)

Mrs. Reese smiled. "We've been trying to have children for so long. Allie is such a blessing. Have you, um, explained to her about adoption?"

"Yes. I was adopted myself, and so was my aunt," I answered.

"Well, you don't have to worry. We'll take good care of her," Mrs. Reese said.

"I'll hold you to that," I said. The tone of my voice changed to that of sternness. "She's the closest person to me, and I can't let anything happen to her. There's… a lot going on in our family now… a sort of feud, really, and I can't keep her safe anymore. It's too dangerous."

"Well, um, if you ever need any help with this, uh, feud…"

"I appreciate it, but I don't want to mooch off of anyone, or put them in harm's way. I don't even know if I'll ever be able to come visit Allie…"

Mrs. Reese was silent for a moment. "I see. Well… if you're ever in the neighborhood, feel free to drop by."

"Thank you." She didn't understand it at all. Mortals are so lucky. They don't have any problems. And now Allie won't have any problems either.

Allie and her new father came back into the foyer. "Allie, say goodbye," Mrs. Reese instructed. Allie's lip trembled. I could tell that she was trying to be tough like me and not cry, but I started crying so she did too. I squeezed her tight.

"Be good," I whispered in her ear. "I love you, and I'll come see you as soon as I can."

"Bye, Pam," Allie replied, crying into my shoulder. It seemed to take all of my strength to release her from my grasp and let her new mother comfort her. I waved and slowly left the house, wiping my eyes and regaining my composure.

_I hope you never loose your sense of wonder._

_You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger._

_May you never take one single breath for granted._

_God forbid love ever leave you empty handed._

_I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean._

_Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens._

_Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance._

_And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,_

_I hope you dance._

_I hope you dance._

_I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance._

_Never settle for the path of least resistance._

_Living might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking._

_Loving might be a mistake, but it's worth making._

_Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter._

_When you come close to selling out, reconsider._

_Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance._

_And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,_

_I hope you dance._

_I hope you dance._

_Time is a real and constant motion, always rolling us along. _

_Tell me who_

_Wants to look back on their youth and wonder where those years have gone?_

_I hope you dance._

_I hope you dance…_

………………………………

I sighed as I let my head sag against the window of the bus, wondering if any of the choices I'd made that day were the right ones. I tried to talk myself out of self-disagreement, but I couldn't. Plus, my suppressed emotions made it difficult for me to control my powers, so the thoughts of everyone on the bus floated around in my head. Other people's problems were _not_ what I needed right them. As the woman next to me rummaged through her purse, I caught sight of a red and white box.

"Bum a cigarette?" I asked her. I needed something to relieve my stress.

"Here, just take the whole pack," she said as she handed it to me. "It's less smoke in my lungs. If I was you, I'd quit while I still had a life ahead of me. They'll kill you, y'know."

I knew. But so what if I died? No one would really miss me. And me, have a life? Yeah, right. I have probably the hardest, crappiest job around. I'm faced with demons at least twice as threatening as those The Charmed Ones used to face every day. Around Allie, I always had to keep a happy face. But now there's no one worth smiling for. No use pretending there's going to be a happy ending to all of this. I vowed to stop Wyatt or die trying, and we both knew who was more powerful. I had basically sentenced myself to death, but there was no way I was backing down from that promise. When no one was looking, I concentrated on the end of one of the cigarettes. It instantly lit up, and I took a long drag. That was just about the only useful thing I'd ever learned to do by channeling my psychic energy.

_Hey Midas, _

_They say you had the magic touch._

_But even all that shiny stuff_

_Someday is gonna turn to dust._

_Hey Jesus,_

_It must have been some Sunday morning._

_In a blaze of glory._

_We're still telling your story._

_I may not go down in history._

_I just want someone to remember me. _

_I'll probably never dream a dream and watch it turn to gold._

_I hope I'll never loose my life to save another soul._

_But if I will love and I will find_

_That I have touched another life,_

_Then that's something._

_Something worth leaving behind…_

The bus turned onto a familiar street. Knowing my stop was up ahead, I pulled the string. The bus stopped. I got up and shuffled towards the door.

"Hey, you shouldn't be smoking in here," the driver said. At this point in my life, an order from a mere mortal was meaningless.

"Bite me," I replied nastily.

"I'm warning you! If I catch you breaking a rule on this route one more time, I'll never let you on again!"

"Ooh, I'm so scared. Get bent, looser." I deliberately dropped some cigarette ashes on the bus floor to piss him off before I stepped out onto the sidewalk. The bus drove away. I'd always felt like telling someone off like that. It was a way of saying, "You know what, my life is pretty shitty, so back off. I could care less about any rules. Rules were made to be broken." But I'd never done it before because I always had to set a good example for Allie. I tossed the now short cigarette on the ground, started on my way past a few buildings to my destination, and quickly lit another one.

I stopped at the front walk of a windowless, signless, lifeless building. A sigh escaped my mouth. I used to come here all the time to drop off Allie while I went demon hunting, and those inside had had their differences with me for a while. Now what was my excuse for showing up here? I hoped I wouldn't look like a fool… I looked around to make sure the coast was clear, turned invisible to conceal myself and the building from exposure, and stepped up onto the porch. I knocked on the door, knowing that someone would come at let me in. If I was a demon, as soon as I touched the building I'd have gone flying back across the street. The door opened a crack, and a familiar face was lit by a dim inside light.

"Ah, Chris," I said, "Anything new?"

………………………………

"Come in," my cousin said, almost irritably. He sniffed the air. Even though he couldn't see me, he could still smell the smoke. "But put out that cigarette first. Hey, since when do you smoke anyway?"

"Since life got bad enough for me to need some kind of relief every once in a while," I answered. I ground the cigarette into the cement with my shoe and entered the building, re-materializing as soon as I was out of view of the world.

"Where's Allie?" Chris asked.

"Uh, today was the day…"

"Oh. Did the Reeses seem nice?"

"Nice enough. No one could replace Allie's real parents, though."

"Well of course not. When we're kids, all we do is complain about the things other parents let their kids do, and then once ours die…" Chris trailed off for a second, obviously reminiscing about my Aunt Piper and Uncle Leo. "We realize how good we had things." He never had stopped feeling like a failure since Aunt Piper died. His future self had come back to stop that from happening, but it did anyway. And Chris could never forgive himself for it.

"Chris, what smells like smoke?" I heard a voice say from another room. Footsteps approached me from the left.

"It's my cousin. She smokes now all of a sudden," Chris explained, obviously a little miffed about this. So what? Just because he doesn't like the way I live doesn't mean he has to try to change me.

Bianca appeared next to Chris. "Oh," she said. "How are you, Allie? You haven't come here in a while."

"I've been better." It amazed me that even though the world was as terrible as it was, Bianca and Chris had still managed to be in love enough to get engaged. It made me wonder how much time they were actually putting into resistance efforts.

"We've all been better. That's why we're here. We're not leaders of an anti-Wyatt resistance for nothing," Bianca reminded. She and Chris refused to call him Lord Wyatt, as he was now known by everyone. I wasn't fond of the title either, but I was forced to use it sometimes.

"What do you mean, we? I'm just here to see if there's any demons I can go after. I'm not a member of any resistance, but I do need information every once in a while. I _might_ join you guys if your rules were more agreeable…"

"Yeah, yeah, we've been over that," Chris said, cutting me off so he didn't have to hear my infamous speech again.

"So, which demon is trying to kill us now?"

"Well…" Chris began. Bianca and I followed him into the next room and the three of us crowded around his laptop screen.

………………………………

"Okay," I said, taking a last glance at the computer screen. "So from what I gather, I can get into the lair of the Destorr demons by scrying for one of them and then—"

"Pam, I thought we agreed that you weren't going to pull any of this double agent stuff again," Chris said.

"Agreed? You can't control what I do with my life," I answered. "Just because your resistance likes to play it safe doesn't mean that I'm going to. Posing as a demon is the best way to get information, and you know it." Our impending argument was due to more than just that one comment from him. It had been building for quite a long time.

Chris sighed, irritated at my arrogance. "Pam, can I see you in the other room for a minute?" I followed. "Look, I know it's been hard on all of us since our parents died, but that's no reason for you to go out and get yourself killed! What's wrong with you lately? You're smoking, you refuse to wear anything but black, your personality has changed completely since-"

"Well, I don't think that I would really blend in with a crowd of demons if I kept my naïve, gleeful, rookie-witch persona, do you?" I interrupted with a fake perky smile.

"Point taken, but don't you think there's some other way to get information than practically becoming evil?"

"Chris, our parents knew Wyatt was going to turn evil since before he was a year old. Everything they did to stop it didn't work, did it?" I was getting uptight. My voice sounded angrier.

"Pam, going after every demon in the world isn't going to solve or prove anything. Vengeance is not the answer," Chris said.

"Vengeance is not the answer? What are you, a wise Jedi Master now? Don't worry, I'll be careful of the Dark Side," I said sarcastically. Chris was silent. "No more miss nice witch." I headed straight for the front door, not even saying goodbye.

"Pam…" Chris started again.

"I'm older than you, Chris. If anyone gives orders around here, it should be me!" I de-materialized silently. "From now on, I work completely alone!" I left.

Chris sighed. "I'm going after her—"

"Do you really think anything you say is going to change her mind?" Bianca asked, walking in from the side room.

"Well… Look, I just don't want her to do something stupid."

"And she's tired of your lectures on not doing something stupid. You knew your mother a lot longer than she knew hers before you lost them. She feels like she's been cheated. All of this is a lot harder on her."

"But—"

"She wants to be alone, Chris. Let her make her own decisions." Chris was silent. Bianca put her arm around his shoulder. "Even if it means she does something stupid."

………………………………

I walked brisker than usual down the various San Francisco sidewalks, trying to burn off my anger. I once again tried to convince myself that we could solve things without arguments. Chris was my cousin. He was only trying to help me. But he _was_ prying… And I hate people prying. We'd never really gotten along that well since he started that resistance anyway. Actually, there was really no witch who completely got along with me. I was basically a Wiccan outcast.

I sighed as I looked around at the disheveled world. I had to think extremely hard to remember what things were like when we still considered Wyatt a Halliwell- that is, a good witch. When we could all live in the Manor, such a conspicuous place, and not be captured. I hated Wyatt for that. He didn't want any witches trying to vanquish him, so he hired people; demons and mortals; to be witch hunters and capture us all. For the most part, he'd succeeded. But he couldn't get those like Allie, Stella, or Andy, who had their powers bound, or those in Chris and Bianca's resistance, because they were very good at covering their tracks. I had learned to be, too. That's why I never stayed in the same place for too long. Everyone else was doomed.

I knew that there was no possibility of Wyatt having a heart anymore. His mother's untimely death was one of the things that fueled him to become evil. (Of course, it took a lot of demonic brainwashing, too.) He knew that of all the witches capable of killing him, my mother and Aunt Paige had the best chance. So he abruptly had them put to death. His own aunts. I always wondered how he could live with himself at night. Here I am, I can't even get over binding my sister's powers, and he's killed people and felt nothing. No one with a heart could do that.

_I walk a lonely road,_

_The only one that I have ever known._

_Don't know where it goes_

_But it's home to me and I walk alone._

_I walk this empty street_

_On the boulevard of broken dreams._

_Where the city sleeps_

_And I'm the only one and I walk alone._

_I walk alone, I walk alone._

_I walk alone, I walk a…_

_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me._

_My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating. _

_Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me._

_'Till then I walk alone._

_I'm walking down the line _

_That divides me somewhere in my mind._

_On the border line_

_Of the edge and where I walk alone._

_Read between the lines,_

_What's fucked up and everything's alright._

_Check my vital signs_

_To know I'm still alive and I walk alone._

_I walk alone, I walk alone._

_I walk alone, I walk a…_

_My shadow's the only one that walks beside me._

_My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating._

_Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me._

'_Till then I walk alone…_

………………………………

It took me six more hours to buy a map to scry with, get a dollar menu burger, and find a cheap motel with vacancy. I would only be staying there one night so demons couldn't track me, but in order to pay for it I had pocketed some money from Chris. I'd gotten pretty good at pick-pocketing after a while of being a homeless rebel. Years ago, I would have been shocked if I knew that I would do something like that in the future. I was so naïve back then. Sometimes you have to do anything to survive, and I'd learned that the hard way.

I scryed for the location of the Destorr demons in the motel room that night. It was already dark outside, and there was barely any light in the room. I squinted to see where the crystal landed, scribbled down their location on a piece of paper, and crudely formed a strategy. Most of my techniques were always ad-libbed. Going after the Destorr demons would be the next day's task. For then, I took a shower and climbed into bed. It had been such a long time since I'd gotten a shower. My hair was tangled and dirty, and my face full of zits. Just looking at myself in the mirror, I imagined the woman from _Monster_ staring back at me. I wished I had pajamas so I did have to sleep in my cruddy black jeans with a hole in the knee and my worn shirt. Thinking of my appearance made me realize that I must have looked pretty bad in front of the Reeses.

That in turn made me think of Allie. As I hoped into bed, I knew she was in a better home than I could ever give her, but I still missed her. The guilt from binding her powers was also a strong thought. I closed my eyes and pulled the covers tighter around me, but I knew there was no way I would sleep any time soon. I had too much on my mind. I sighed at how pitiful things were and reached into my pocket, un-crumpling the piece of printer paper with the low-quality black-and-white picture of my mom. Staring at it, I felt a tear coming. I tried at first to hold it back, but then I realized that there was no one there to hide it from. So I broke down and let my tears pour out onto the pillowcase.

_Spend all your time waiting_

_For that second chance. _

_For a break that would make it okay._

_There's always some reason_

_To feel not good enough._

_And it's hard at the end of the day._

_I need some distraction,_

_Oh, beautiful release._

_Memories seep from my veins._

_Let me be empty,_

_Oh and weightless and maybe_

_I'll find some peace tonight._

_In the arms of the angel_

_Far away from here._

_From this dark, cold hotel room_

_And the endlessness that you feel._

_You are pulled from the wreckage _

_Of your silent reverie_

_You're in the arms of the angel._

_May you find_

_Some comfort here._

_So tired of the straight line._

_And everywhere you turn_

_There's vultures and thieves at your back._

_And the storm keeps on twisting_

_Keep on building the lies_

_That you make up for all that you lack._

_Don't make no difference,_

_Escaping one last time. _

_It's easier to believe_

_In this sweet madness,_

_Oh this glorious sadness_

_That brings me to my knees._

_In the arms of the angel._

_Far away from here. _

_From this dark, cold hotel room_

_And the endlessness that you feel._

_You are pulled from the wreckage_

_Of your silent reverie._

_You're in the arms of the angel._

_May you find _

_Some comfort here._

_You're in the arms of the angel._

_May you find_

_Some comfort here. _

………………………………

I shuffled casually into the alleyway and lit a cigarette before strolling over to the group of tough looking men sitting on the ground in the corner. They all glared at me suspiciously as I sat down.

"Who are you?" one asked gruffly.

"You don't recognize me?" I said, deliberately blowing smoke in his face.

"No."

"I'm just another Destorr. I'm surprised we haven't done business together before."

"Who said we're doing business together now?"

"You would if you were smart. I happen to have some inside information on a certain resistance led by Chris Halliwell…" I said casually, fingering my cigarette.

All of the demons leaned in closer to me. With my telepathy, I could tell they were interested in what I had to say. Now I had them. Whenever you go in as a double agent, there's always a quick moment of doubt when you don't know if you'll be able to pull it off, and worry that you'll blow your cover. (Luckily, I'd only done that once.)

"What do you say we go talk about this somewhere more… private?" I asked.

They just looked at me. I remember thinking that Destorrs must not be the smartest of demons.

"The underworld, perhaps?" I suggested.

"Oh, right. Sure," one said. I grabbed on to one of their sleeves as they all began to shimmer. He didn't even notice, and that was good, because if they found out that I couldn't shimmer…

………………………………

I gave the Destorrs a fake location for Chris's resistance. Later I would tell him and Bianca to "assemble a squad" at the fake location and prepare for a lot of demon captures/interrogations/vanquishes. Once I gave the Destorrs what they thought they wanted, they started casually discussing and thinking about their side of the battle, their strategies, and Wyatt's orders and leadership. They seemed to worship him no matter what he did or how badly he screwed up. It was like mind control or something.

After a few hours of learning valuable secret information, I left the area and pretended to shimmer out. It was always hard to get out of the underworld without Chris. It wasn't like there was a subway staircase or sewer grate or anything. You had to use some form of teleportation to go anywhere between worlds. I had tried repeatedly to call for my cousin, but I knew it was useless. Whitelighters couldn't hear their charges (or in this case, cousins) from the underworld.

"You haven't left yet?" I heard behind me.

I swung around and came face-to-face with one of the Destorrs. He seemed shorter than the others, and his voice wasn't as gruff. "Yeah, so?"

"Don't you want to get out of here and prepare for battle tonight?"

"What do you care about what I do?"

"Just wondering. I'm also wondering how you acquire so much information on Chris Halliwell."

"Oh, that. Well, I'm a double agent," I said. That much was true. "Everyone in Halliwell's resistance thinks I'm a witch. I can learn anything about them that way."

Just then, a fierce-looking demon shimmered in next to us. I recognized him as the demonic bounty hunter that had evaded me when I faced him a few days ago. He must have kept my scent. Luckily, he didn't shout out "witch!" as soon as he got sight of me. Instead, he charged. I ducked and threw him over my shoulders as he lunged at me, just like my mother had taught. I de-materialized as he got up from the dirt ground. He searched around for me. The Destorr I'd met earlier just stood there, trying to figure out what was going on.

"I know you're around here somewhere," the bounty hunter taunted. "I can smell you." He sniffed the air one more time and then looked right where I was standing. He smirked and slowly approached. I got angry at myself for smoking. Among unhealthy, unflattering, and expensive, it was also a smelly habit. I looked at my foot and saw a rock next to it. Quickly I threw it off to the side. The bounty hunter looked over at it once it made a noise. He chuckled.

"Do you think that is going to fool me? I saw you throw it…" He started to turn around again to face me, and I punched him square in the face. I was visible again. He staggered backwards and threw a punch at me. I stopped his fist in my hand and kicked his crotch. He pretended to fall and then grabbed me from behind. I jabbed him in the stomach with my elbow.

"I'll get you!" He sputtered.

"Can't hit what you can't see!" I taunted, as I de-materialized once more. He threw blind punches. I easily avoided every one of them and tripped him. I re-materialized and placed my foot on his chest. It was sort of like saying "I won, worship me!" I was about to stab him with an athimae when I remembered that I'd lost mine. Oh crap. He took the opportunity to grab my leg and knock me off balance. I landed roughly on the ground next to him. He hurriedly turned to face me and held an athimae to my neck.

"Don't move." He commanded. I turned to see the same Destorr in the corner.

"You! Whatever your name is, help me!" I shouted. The bounty hunter turned around.

"Help her? You're not going to do it, are you? She's—"

"The best source of information we've ever had!" The Destorr finished as he quickly threw an energy ball at the bounty hunter, who disintegrated in a ball of fire. All that was left was his athimae.

I stayed paralyzed on the ground for a second. "Thanks," I choked out. The Destorr helped me to my feet.

"My name's Jake by the way."

I had to work very hard to not burst into laughter. "Jake?" I asked.

"Yeah, I know, it's not a very good demon name. My family hasn't always been the best at name-choosing… I had an uncle named Stanley once, but The Charmed Ones vanquished him a long time ago."

"Don't feel embarrassed about your name," I said, "Mine's Pam." Right after I said that, my mind went "d'oh!" One of the staple rules of a double agent is NEVER give your real name. At least I didn't blurt out Halliwell along with it.

"I guess it's more common than I thought." We were silent for a second. I picked up the bounty hunter's athimae and deposited it through my belt loop, using it like a holster. "So why did that bounty hunter come after you anyway?"

"Uh, personal grudge," I replied.

"Oh. And… how did you turn invisible like that? Last I heard, that was a Wiccan power."

I could tell Jake's guard was up. "Well, first of all, powers aren't good or evil. It's how you use them. Second, I have that power because I was cursed with it. Someone found me out a while back, and my ability to shimmer got traded with invisibility." Another thing I'd gotten good at over time was lying. So let's see… my cousin becomes an evil dictator, and I become… a strong pick-pocketing liar. I think someone got cheated.

"That sucks," Jake commented. "Hey, if you can't shimmer, how are you going to get out of here?"

"I dunno. Grabbed onto someone on the way in."

"Need a lift?"

"Why not?" I took his hand.

"Where to?"

"The surface. I have to go play witch some more." We shimmered out.

………………………………

"Bye," I said to Jake as I shuffled out of the alleyway and down the street. He disappeared. I lit a cigarette and headed to Chris's place.

"Pam, what are you doing here?" Chris asked whimsically as I entered. "I thought you didn't need us anymore," he mocked.

My anger flared up, but I quickly suppressed it. We had business to do. "I think you have that a little backwards," I said. "You're the ones who need my help."

"For what?" Bianca asked.

"I met up with the Destorrs and told them your resistance was located five blocks over. I suggest you round up the troops tonight and take them out over there. There should be a lot of them."

"Then why put us in that kind of danger?"

"Because if you capture some of them, you could learn a lot of information about Wyatt _your _way," I said disapprovingly. With interrogations, there's no way to tell truth from bull unless you're telepathic, and only a handful of witches are. But if demons believe you're one of them, there's no need for lies.

Chris sighed. "Let's try to go one day without an argument, okay?"

"Are you saying that it's always my fault that we argue?"

Chris shook his head. "Pam…"

"Look, here's the address of the fake resistance. Go there tonight or they'll know I'm a fraud. You wouldn't want to be responsible for the death of your own cousin, would you?" Chris was silent. How I love blackmail… I handed Bianca the piece of paper I'd scribbled the address on and stormed out. Now to find a motel for the night…

………………………………

"Sorry I'm late," I said sarcastically as I sat down with the group of Destorrs in the same alleyway as yesterday. "Did I miss anything?"

"You were supposed to come to battle with us last night! Where were you?" The Destorr leader asked me.

"What am I, on trial here? Why do you need to know?"

"We lost a ton of men last night to the witches! They would have no way of anticipating our attack unless there's a snitch among us!" He looked directly at me when he said the snitch part. "So… where wereyou?"

"I never remember you stating that I had to join you on the battlefront," I said.

"It should be a given! You work with us, you die with us! WHERE WERE YOU?" My mind went blank. Where was I? I couldn't think of an answer no matter how I tried. Oh crap, now I was doomed. "Well?" The leader pressed. "I'm waiting."

"She was with me!" I heard someone say. We all turned to face Jake. I stared at him, wide-eyed.

"What?" The leader asked.

"No, boss, he was with us! I saw him!" Another Destorr commented.

"I wasn't there the whole time. I came late, while things were already raging, because… I needed her for protection," Jake concluded. I raised one of my eyebrows. What the hell was he doing?

"Protection against what?" the boss asked.

"Against a powerful demon. She's a far better fighter than I am, and she sort of had something against the demon, too," Jake said. I guessed he was a pretty good liar as well.

"Which demon was this?" the boss asked.

"I don't know his name. All I know is that he thought I stole something of his, and he was out to get me. I think I would have been dead without her."

"So how come you showed up halfway through the battle and she didn't?" Everyone turned and looked at me again.

"The demon was strong. She told me she could handle him, and I should go. She said, 'Go help against the witches! I'll hold him off!' So she did."

The boss was silent for a minute. Jake and I waited in nervous anticipation, to see if we were both about to be executed or not. "I see." The boss concluded. I silently breathed a sigh of relief. "Alright, you sissy. You and the girl, stand over there while we figure out which one of us is the double-crosser." We obeyed. Once we were out of earshot, I looked over at Jake in astonishment.

"Why did you do that?" I asked, moving my mouth as little as possible and not making eye contact. "That's twice you've saved my ass now!"

"Well, you know more about the witches that any of us. I couldn't risk loosing such a valuable source of information," Jake explained. "You didn't tip off Halliwell, did you?"

"Of course not." I lied. "But whoever did is going to get it." I knew not to thank Jake. Demons don't normally thank.

"You said it," Jake replied. "We can't risk the witches finding anything out, especially Lord Wyatt's plan."

"Plan?" I asked. I wondered what was up my cousin's sleeve now.

"You haven't heard yet? Well, you mustbe spending _a lot_ of time as a witch then."

"Well, inform me so I can make up a good lie to tell Halliwell!"

"Lord Wyatt is devising a… potion, I guess you could call it… to steal the powers of every witch in this world, and then enslave them. He'll spill the potion and it'll become gas, spreading like wildfire across the planet. The witches will have no chance but to breathe it in. With all of their powers, he'll even be able to find those who have bound their powers for protection and enslave them as well."

I hid a gasp as I thought of Allie. "Wow. Useful."

"That's not all it does," Jake whispered. "Enslaving all the witches would be a massive victory for our side, but it's rumored that he's going to steal all of _our_ powers, too. He'll be in complete control of the world that way."

"Not to mention he'll be indestructible," I mumbled, remembering a certain demon named Cole that my mother used to be married to.

"Really? I didn't know that would happen. I don't know about you, but personally…" Jake made sure no one was spying on us. "I think it's unfair. We've been loyal to him for years, and he's going to hog all the power! Hopefully we won't be made into slaves like the witches…"

"We will. Dictators spare no one pain. If everyone's so mad about this, why don't you revolt against him?" I suggested. My mind quickly formed a plan where demons and witches united to destroy Wyatt, and all the world would be in peace, and…

"We'd all die," Jake said, shattering my John Lennon-esque utopia. "At least I would. No one would be crazy enough to join me. They're all brainwashed into thinking that everything Wyatt does is good and right and helping them. Anyone who disagrees is dead."

"I realize that. But why aren't you… 'brainwashed?'"

"I don't know. I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm half human. Maybe that side has common sense."

"You're half human?" I asked. "Yeah. I consider it a curse. I mean, I have morals! What demon has morals? They're quite a weakness, trust me. You don't want them."

"I know. That, um… that was another thing I was cursed with. Life would be a lot easier without doubt, or regret, or…"

"You! You're the one who tipped off the witches!" We heard the boss demon shout. One of the Destorrs screamed in pain as he was disintegrated by a fireball. I looked over at Jake as I realized that without him, I would be the one burning to death.

………………………………

"What do you know about the potion!" I ordered again. The demon I was holding at knife-point refused to talk. Finally I gave up and killed him. I sighed as I slumped against the wall of the abandoned factory I'd found him in and lit a cigarette. This simply was the end. I'd been searching for answers for so long now that I couldn't even remember what day it was. Wyatt had every mortal and demon already convinced that witches were evil creatures, and now he was going to enslave all of us. He didn't mention anything about mortal and demon enslavement during his speech, but I knew how crooked he was. Everyone would soon bow down to him. And there seemed to be nothing Chris, Bianca, me, or anyone for that matter could do to make the potion a dud. Chris wouldn't really talk to me, anyway, especially if I didn't have any leads. I felt extremely depressed. Everything that I had been fighting towards for years was about to be wasted, and my helpless seven year-old sister would be powerless, enslaved, and tortured for the rest of her life. I wouldn't be able to protect her like I promised.

"Witch," I heard behind me. I instantly dropped my cigarette at whirled around, drawing my athimae. I couldn't see my attacker's face clearly in the dimly-lit room. He laughed. "I've finally found you. For years I've tracked you. Everyone told me to give up, go after another witch. They didn't believe that some mortal witch hunter could find a Halliwell. Sometimes I even wonder myself how I found you. I guess I've just studied your movements well enough."

"Who are you?" I asked. "How do you know who I am?"

"About four years ago, there was a struggle going on between you and some demons in an alley. I tried to help them, and you- you sliced off my finger!" He said, holding up his hand. "I've followed you ever since." I thought to myself about how ridiculous a vendetta this was. This guy had to be crazy.

"Fine then, face me," I dared. He darted at me. I threw a punch, and he dodged it. How did he do that? Almost everyone I'd ever faced had been hit by that one. I tried some of my other "whammy" techniques. He wasn't fooled. It was almost as if he knew my every move, like we were the same person or something. Was it possible to have a male clone? We continued fighting, both dodging each other's attacks time after time.

I was walking backwards to avoid him when suddenly I stumbled on a piece of machinery that had been discarded on the floor. My attacker took the opportunity to push me completely to the ground. He put his foot firmly against my throat. I could barely breathe.

"Try anything and I'll crush your neck," he said. I dropped my athimae and it accidentally hit a switch. The area was ablaze with light, and for the first time, I saw who was strangling me. I gasped. (Only my windpipe was being crushed, so it didn't really sound like a gasp.) My eyes widened as I saw his dark red hair.

"What is your problem now, witch?" he asked, puzzled at the sudden change in my behavior. "All you did was turn on the lights." I choked out my answer. "What?" he asked. I said it again, but it was no use. No one would understand me as long as his foot was on my throat. My attacker got the hint and lessened the pressure.

"Dad?" I asked in shock. At first he said nothing, stunned by the randomness of my statement.

"Excuse me? What are you talking about?" He wondering, raising an eyebrow at my irrelevant question.

"Look at our resemblance. It's uncanny. There's no doubt about it. …You're my father."

Now it was his turn to be in shock. He denied my claim. "You're crazy."

"Think about it. In 1997 you were in college. You went to parties, you drank… and you fathered a child with Phoebe Halliwell."

"That's not true! That girl was never pregnant! I… I never even slept with her!" He protested.

"Stop lying, I can read your mind. She dropped out of college and moved out of San Francisco so no one would know. I'm your daughter. It's the only explanation as to how you found me, and how we predicted each other's fighting moves. We're connected." I could hardly believe myself. I'd wanted to meet my biological father for so long, and now I find out he hates everything about me. He had been brainwashed, just like the rest of them, to think that witches were evil.

He staggered backwards, trying to think up an alibi for my claims. But he knew as well as I did that I was right. I stood up.

"I'm not evil," I told him. "All of us witches are trying to save the world."

"From our great and brilliant leader Lord Wyatt?"

"He's not as great as you think. Soon we will all be his slaves."

"No, only witches like you will be! Blasphemy like this can only come from someone evil!" I sighed. It was going to take a lot more then that for me to get through to him. He drew a gun. "I don't care if you're my daughter. All witches must die!" He aimed it at me. Although I didn't want to fight, I didn't want to die either. I kicked the gun out of his hand and grabbed it, pointing it at him. He kicked me. I dropped the gun, and we both scrambled to get it.

"You don't have to shoot me!" I tried to persuade. "You can join our side!"

"Never! What are you planning do to me anyway? Witches are always too soft and pathetic to kill mortals!"

"Yeah, well, I'm not your average witch!" We grabbed hold of the weapon and both struggled to gain possession of it.

As the shot went off, we both froze. My adrenaline had been rushing so much that I didn't know if I'd been hit or not. I didn't want to let my guard down by checking for bullet holes. My question was answered soon enough though, because my father collapsed onto the floor. He was dead. I looked at him and could barely believe that half of who I was hated the other half. I then looked down at my hand and saw to my surprise that I was the one who'd pulled the trigger. That's when it hit me. I had just killed my father. I looked at the body one last time and then ran away in shock.

………………………………

"Pam?" I heard behind me. I turned around, not very anxious to battle someone else that day. It was Jake.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"I'll ask you the same thing. I haven't seen you in over a month. I figured you went on a major witch-hunting spree, not to go sit in the woods by a river." I was silent. "Wait, were you just… crying?"

I sighed. What was the use of hiding it? "I killed my father," I explained.

Jake sat down next to me. "Why?"

"I never met him before today… and he was a witch— supporter. Working for the other side. It was an accident, but I feel so bad about it." I had been about to say "witch hunter" when describing my dear old dad, but I remembered who I was talking to.

"Wow. And I thought my family was screwed up just because my father's a mortal," Jake commented.

I thought of Wyatt, my father, me being a double agent, Chris... everything. "You don't know the half of it," I sniffled. "I can't believe half of who I am is evil… well, good… well, you know what I mean. I always expected to meet my dad under better circumstances." Jake didn't say anything. "So why are you here?"

"Probably the same reason you are."

"You killed your father?"

"No, I mean to think. Life is a lot harder for us because of morals, so I come here to think."

"I took up smoking. Maybe if I'd ran into this place earlier I wouldn't resort to lung pollution."

"I tried cigarettes once," Jake said. "Couldn't stand them."

"Lucky you." We were silent for a moment. "Thank you, by the way."

"For what?"

"For saving my life during that whole double-cross thing."

"Oh, right. Well, anything to help stop witches."

"Yeah."

"And…" Jake trailed off for a second, not sure if he wanted to finish his sentence or not. "…I did it because I kinda liked you."

I was instantly stunned. "What?"

"…You heard me. I… I like you. A lot."

I smiled incredulously, not really believing that this day had ever really happened. I thought to myself, "Oh no, no demonic relationships! My mother was in one, and he betrayed her on numerous occasions. He tricked her into being the Queen of the Underworld for crying out loud!" But all I could say was, "No one's ever said that to me before," like I was in some crappy romantic comedy.

"I figured not. When you're surrounded by demons who can't feel anything but pain and are driven by anger, it gets kind of hard to even know what a crush feels like. But I know one thing. Pam, I have never felt for anyone what I feel for you. I know we've only known each other for a few months, but I really, really like you."

I blinked, thinking about the romantic comedy thing again. This wasn't happening. I half thought I was dreaming. "Are you serious?"

"This isn't a joke or anything."

"Good, because it would be a really bad one if it was." I knew I had to turn him down. There was no way I would fall into the same trap my mom did. I decided to politely tell him that I didn't want a relationship just then. "Well, I…" At that moment, he spontaneously leaned over and kissed me. My eyes widened. Not even in High School had I been kissed.

"Uh… I'm sorry. I…" Jake started blabbing.

"Shh," I said. "It's okay." I kissed him back. What was I doing? What happened to no demonic relationships? I kissed him again. And again. And again… he pushed me to the ground and unzipped my sweatshirt. He pulled it off my shoulders, and then abruptly froze.

"What?" I asked. He was staring at my right forearm. I followed his gaze over past the end of my tank top sleeve and saw it. The triquetra tattoo I'd gotten on my sixteenth birthday. Shit. Jake backed away from me.

"Jake…" I started, sitting up.

"Stay away from me! You're… you're a witch! And not just any witch, a Halliwell! …So you are a double agent, just not really for our side, uh, my side…" He sighed. "Nevermind, why bother explaining what we both know!"

I put my sweatshirt back on as I stood up. "Please don't turn me in. I'm the same Pam… I just don't support my cousin."

"Your cousin. Lord Wyatt, evil of all evils, is your cousin. This can't be happening." He laughed briefly, almost believing that he was going crazy.

"Jake, you like me for who I am, not which side I'm on! Be reasonable here!" Jake was pacing by the area where the river met the sand. He sighed, shaking his head. I could tell he was wondering what to do. "Jake…"

"No! Just- just, get out of my life!" He abruptly shimmered away. I'd never felt so hurt before.

Now what? I asked myself. In one day, I had met my father, killed my father, found out someone loved me, had my first kiss, been discovered as a witch, and been burnt by love. If Jake turned on me, I could be thrown in jail and executed at any moment. I had no idea where he'd gone. Maybe he was going to tell everyone, or maybe he was on my side. One thing I knew was that staying there would be way too dangerous. I ran.

_Well I couldn't tell you _

_Why she felt that way_

_But she felt it everyday._

_And I couldn't help her._

_I just watched her make the same mistakes again._

_What's wrong, what's wrong, now?_

_Too many, too many problems._

_Don't know where she belongs._

_Where she belongs._

_She wants to go home_

_But nobody's home._

_That's where she lies, _

_Broken inside._

_With no place to go,_

_No place to go. _

_To dry her eyes,_

_Broken inside._

_Open your eyes_

_And look outside,_

_Find the reasons why_

_You've been rejected._

_And now you can't find_

_What you've left behind._

_Be strong, be strong now._

_Too many, too many problems._

_Don't know where she belongs._

_Where she belongs._

_She wants to go home,_

_But nobody's home. _

_That's where she lies_

_Broken inside._

_With no place to go,_

_No place to go_

_To dry her eyes,_

_Broken inside._

_Her feelings she hides, _

_Her dreams she can't find,_

_She's loosing her mind,_

_She's falling behind,_

_She can't find her space,_

_She's loosing her face, _

_She's falling from Grace, _

_She's all over the place._

_She wants to go home, _

_But nobody's home._

_That's where she lies,_

_Broken inside._

_With no place to go,_

_No place to go,_

_To dry her eyes, _

_Broken inside._

_She's lost inside, lost inside._

_Oh, oh…_

_She's lost inside, lost inside._

_Oh, oh…_

_Oh_

………………………………

I kept running until I got to Chris's house. I half considered going in, but I knew my head would get chewed off for being exposed. I lit a cigarette in an alley instead. I found a motel and spent the night there, and in the morning I didn't feel any less screwed up. I had a few drinks at a bar and walked around the city all day, collecting spare change and waiting for some demon to come kill me. Either that or Wyatt to complete his potion. There was nothing I could do anymore. I had broken my promise. As I walked those streets, I felt completely useless and started to shiver. I figured it was probably November or December or some other cold month.

I shuffled into a mini-mart, planning to steal something. While I was in there, I felt the ground begin to rumble. Everyone started talking about an earthquake. I ducked into a corner in preparation. But instead of an earthquake, a large explosion rocketed through the area. I saw some people outside get swept away, and my heart instantly filled with pain because I couldn't save them. Once the world grew quiet again, everyone took in their surroundings and made sure their loved ones were okay. Half the city seemed to have been scorched and blown away. Someone turned on the store's TV. Reports started coming in that the first draft of Wyatt's potion hadn't worked. Instead it created an explosion that rocked San Francisco.

I walked around looking at all of the destruction. End of the World: Phase One- complete. At least that's how it looked. There were wounded people everywhere; bleeding, crying, and dying. I knew that there was nothing I could have done to save them, but as a good witch guilt poured over me as I saw all the innocents lying there and heard the painful, desperate thoughts in their minds. I continued walking, avoiding the tragedy-filled sights at hospitals that were still standing. Each street I passed was barely recognizable.

I didn't stop walking until I came to a place at the end of a road that was completely charred. It seemed familiar somehow, but there was no way to tell what it was now that it was completely burnt. For some reason, I decided to enter the thick blackness and walk through it. Things were becoming more familiar as I turned up more soot. My clothes were already dirty enough. None of the ashes would show up on me. It took me a while, but eventually I realized where I was. I was in the same place where Jake had discovered my identity and the heart I'd recently remembered had been broken.

_I walked across_

_An empty land_

_I knew the pathway like the back of my hand._

_I felt the earth _

_Beneath my feet_

_Sat by the river and it made me complete._

_Oh simple thing_

_Where have you gone?_

_I'm getting old and I need something to rely on._

_So tell me when_

_You're gonna let me in._

_I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin._

_I came across_

_A fallen elm tree._

_I felt the branches of it looking at me._

_Is this the place_

_We used to love?_

_Is this the place I've been dreaming of?_

_Oh simple thing_

_Where have you gone?_

_I'm getting old and I need something to rely on._

_So tell me when_

_You're gonna let me in. _

_I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin._

_And if you have a minute why don't we go_

_Talk about it somewhere only we know?_

_This could be the end of everything_

_So why don't we go_

_Somewhere only we know?_

_Somewhere only we know?_

………………………………

I left the burnt remains of what were woods just a few hours ago. They made me think of Jake and my inevitable doom too much. I shuffled around the neighborhood, making sure that Allie's new house was still intact. Luckily the explosion had barely hit Roosevelt Avenue. I left before anyone inside could see me. I stared down at my feet and the worn shoes on them as I walked around aimlessly. The only reason I finally looked up was because I almost hit a skateboarder. He shouted at me to watch where I was going, and I shouted a nasty remark back at him. I swung my head around to continue walking, but I stopped mid-swing. There it was, right in front of me. It gave me chills. I should've watched the street signs so I didn't accidentally walk down Prescott Street. Well, too late now.

As I looked at that old red house with the peeling paint, overgrown yard, broken front window and unsteady porch, a flood of emotions and memories came back to me. I saw images of familiar people walking up and down the steps, trimming the hedges, talking on the sidewalk, climbing the big tree in the front, playing in the yard, getting the mail, cleaning the windows… I almost reached out and grabbed one of them, as if doing so could pull me into their perfect world. They weren't real. Chances are it would be years before I could ever see most of them again. I slowly approached the porch and stepped up to the door. There were scorch marks around the glass panes. It had seen worse. The explosion had only smoked it a bit. The big tree in the front was missing all of its leaves. I scanned all over the porch. The address was half gone. It only read 13 and a falling, twisted 2. The 9 had probably been gone for years. I missed my Aunt Piper's fresh flowers brightening up the porch. Now there was just one cracked, empty pot on the ground, and the other one full of dead, brown, shriveled things that probably used to be flowers.

I touched the doorknob and turned it. It was unlocked. Cautiously I stepped in. Although a lot had changed, it still smelled somewhat like it used to. I grabbed the door, telling myself that I shouldn't be here. It was way too risky. In fact, I was surprised that it was still standing. It was built over a Spiritual Nexus after all. But Wyatt had probably taken control the Nexus and moved it by now. Curiosity got the better of me as I shut the door with myself inside. I visited each familiar room. Almost everything had been stolen by now. The place was completely trashed. I made my way to the attic. Of course, the Book of Shadows was gone, but most of the other stuff remained. A sofa that had taken a beating over the years… vials for potions… herbs… reference books…

I found the photo albums. As if in a trance, I sat down and looked through them. A lot of albums didn't contain my picture, since I had spent 14 years growing up as a Richardson, but I managed to find some. Each one contained moments I wish had lasted forever. Once I finished looking and had pocketed all of the pictures I wanted, I put the albums back and found a lone VCR tape. It was labeled "Christmas 2012." All of the others must have been stolen, destroyed, or misplaced. I took the tape and walked down the stairs, searching for a TV that hadn't been stolen. The one in the kitchen was still there. It was dusty, falling apart, and the picture was fuzzy. I guess beggars can be choosers. I popped in the tape.

"Look mommy, Santa gave me a-a toy truck!" A young Chris said to my Aunt Piper. Aunt Paige, Aunt Prue (fresh from heaven), and my mom smiled on. Wyatt and I were retrieving presents from the tree, and my Uncle Leo was the one with the video camera. I touched the screen longingly. Never again would I get a day like that. How I wished I'd realized just how lucky I was back then.

"Okay, since Prue has to get back 'up there' in an hour or so, and might not be back for a while…" my mother began, "We are going to celebrate New Years right now." The tape had already passed dinner, and now the adults were sipping champagne.

"Okay… so, what should we do?" I asked my Aunt Piper.

"Well…" Aunt Piper began, "Let's see… We always sing 'Auld Lang Syne.' Prue?"

"Alright," Prue agreed, smiling. She headed into the living room. Everyone followed. She sat down at the piano. "I hope I can still do this. I haven't played in over ten years!" She set her hands down and started. The first measure or so went fine, and then she goofed. "Oops." She corrected her hand position. "Okay, I think I've got it. I'll start from the beginning. Everyone ready?"

Her fingers flew, and everyone in the house sang.

"_Should auld acquaintance be forgot _

_And never brought to mind? _

_Should all acquaintance be forgot _

_And days of auld lang syne? _

_For auld lang syne, my dear,_

_For auld lang syne. _

_We'll take a cup o' kindness yet, _

_For auld lang syne."_

Everyone applauded themselves and laughed. I sniffled as I watched the tape. Prue visited a lot over the next few years, and in that time she'd taught me to play the piano. But I could never play as well as her.

"Ready for another one?" Prue asked everyone. "I'm on a roll!" She pushed down the piano keys again.

Everyone sang as soon as they recognized the tune.

"_We… wish you a Merry Christmas, _

_We wish you a Merry Christmas, _

_We wish you a Merry Christmas, _

_And a Happy New Year. _

_Good tidings we bring, _

_To you and your kin. _

_Good tidings for Christmas—"_

I shut off the TV and left the kitchen. It was just too poignant to watch further. The piano was still in the living room, although most of the paint was stripped from the keys and it was out of tune when I set a finger down on the Middle C. I sat on the old bench and heard it creak. It would hold for now. I set my fingers in the familiar position and began to play "Fur Elise." My masterpiece. I barely had to think about which note came next. As I played, my thoughts drifted back to the day this war had really begun…

"This can't be happening," my mom muttered as she rocked the one year-old Allie. Her eyes never left the TV screen, which was telling us that the thing we'd feared for years had finally happened… Wyatt was taking over.

"No, Crystal, none of us encouraged this! What do you think we are, evil?" Aunt Paige said, the anger coming through in her voice.

I remember having trouble believing that a fellow Wiccan would accuse us of all people of betraying the Craft, but now that I've had to adopt a 'trust no one' policy, it seems like a normal reaction. That day is still vivid in my memories. I don't think it'll ever go away. Neither will the feelings that went along with it- we all knew we'd failed. Wyatt was supposed to be protected against this. Everyone had spent years saving him from turning evil. And now the truth was out… it was all in vain.

"We…" Aunt Paige continued to her friend, who as I remember wasn't really that much of a friend after that day. "We're not sure how to stop him." She hung up the phone before Crystal could go any further, and in a fit of rage, she ripped the phone from its cord and plopped down on the couch.

Sitting there on the carpet, I began to notice how thin my aunt really was stretched. She had always been the most devoted witch of all of us, and not being able to figure this one out was really cutting into her. She looked older… and not just because she wasn't wearing any makeup and hadn't died her hair in a while. That past year had been a killer for us. She had been worn and stressed and toughened to look that way.

"What are we going to do?" I asked as I returned my gaze to the TV.

"If Piper was here, she'd think of something," my mom said solemnly. She still hadn't adjusted to being the oldest.

"We can still turn him back, right?" Chris asked hopefully from the foyer. No one had noticed he'd been standing there. The tone in his voice made him sound like a little kid who feared he wouldn't get to go to the beach once the skies darkened.

"I don't know, Chris. We've tried everything… and we've failed," Aunt Paige finally admitted. We'd been trying to deny that fact, and the words lowered everyone's moral severely.

"Maybe he'll come to his senses," mom said hopefully, trying to make everyone feel better.

"When?" I asked. It took me forever after that comment to stop hating myself for being so stupid. In fact, I'm still a little angry now. If only I'd thought before I spoke… God, what a stupid thing to say.

This memory opened the gate for me to recall the grimmest times we Halliwells ever experienced. I remembered everyone's deaths. It had all happened so fast. One day we were all a big happy family, and the next, our numbers were dwindling. We fought for our lives.

Tears began to form in my eyes as I watched the sorrowful memories play in my head. Fur Elise reached a close. I played the last two notes solemnly, and immediately thereafter, I was grabbed from behind. Before I could even struggle, I felt something hard smash against my head. Everything went black.

………………………………

I opened my eyes. The images around me became clearer. I realized was being transported from an armored car into Wyatt's Palace! I struggled, but my hands and feet had been cuffed. There were people all around shouting dirty names at me. Someone threw a tomato. My sweatshirt was gone and my tattoo was exposed. That was proof enough for anyone. As I scanned the angry crowd, I saw Chris hidden among the mortals. I didn't expose him by shouting out his name, but I looked straight at him. My eyes said "Sorry I was a jerk, but _please_ help me!" He shook his head. "No," it said slowly. Half of me knew that was wise of him, because the entire resistance could be exposed if he used magic here. But the other half couldn't believe that he would ditch his own cousin, even after being so concerned about my safety just a few months ago. I was dead meat now. Why didn't I just stay out of the Manor?

As a group of guards ushered me up the steps, I looked up and could swear for a second I saw Wyatt staring down at me from a window. I wondered if he even knew who I was. I looked back at the door in front of me, and to my surprise saw Jake standing there. His face showed complete guilt. So that's how I'd been found.

"How the hell could you do this to me!" I shouted angrily at him. "If I wasn't tied up right now I swear I would beat you up so bad you'd scream like a little girl! I would make sure you would never _ever_ be able to reproduce!" Every demon and mortal guard around me made a painful grimace. They backed away, just in case the cuffs on my feet came loose or something. I was led away. Jake mouthed the words "I'm sorry" as the palace doors closed.

………………………………

"Hey, don't I at least get a last meal or something?" I shouted through the glass wall surrounding my prison cell. There was an electric forcefield there to prevent me from escaping. I was being held in the dingy palace basement, deliberately trying to be loud and annoying. Maybe that way I could just get everything over with faster. Finally, I heard footsteps approaching. "Well, it's about…" I froze as I saw Wyatt. "time," I finished.

"Leave us," Wyatt said to the guards he'd brought with him. They obeyed. "Ah, Pam… how have you been?"

"Why are you doing this, Wyatt?" I asked.

"Because you are a threat. And threats have to be eliminated."

"Would that be why you're about to eliminate your army as well?"

"Ah, clever witch you are, Pam," Wyatt smirked. "I am simply propelling the world into a better future, where everyone will get along, the dangers of magic will be eliminated, and the world will be a better place—"

"Cut the _1984_ crap," I said. "You know as well as I do that you're a dictator and your intentions aren't good. You just want power."

"So what? You can't do anything about it, cousin," he taunted.

I sighed. "Don't you ever regret anything? You've killed thousands of witches, including your own aunts! Anyone that gets in your way has no chance of survival. Your powers were given as a gift to protect the innocent, not harm them! Look at yourself!"

"Are you saying that your side is better?" Wyatt asked. "Because I was on your side for nearly twenty years and all it got me was tragedy! If good is so high and mighty, why did so many people die? Good killed our great-grandmother, good killed our grandmother, good killed our Aunt Prue, good split my parents, and good killed my mother!"

"Is that what they convinced you? Because they protected innocent people and defended against evil they paid with their lives? It was their duty! Evil was the one who caused them pain in the first place! They weren't cursed because they were good! You knew that once! You remembered the Halliwells' good Karma! And then your mother was killed, and everything about you changed. You killed the remaining half of The Charmed Ones! Was _that _good's fault, Wyatt? Think about how irrational this is! You've been brainwashed! Don't release that potion! Change your ways before it's too late!"

"It's already too late," Wyatt said. "The potion is almost complete, and it _will_ work this time. Your words are fake and pointless. If good is so superior, wouldn't someone have come to save you by now?"

"They, uh… kinda… don't like me."

"Oh, I see. Reliable people you've got there on your side." Wyatt taunted. "You will be executed in three hours." He turned to leave.

"Your mother would be ashamed of you if she was alive right now! You've disgraced us all!" I shouted. Wyatt stopped walking, but didn't turn around.

"Two hours!" He roared angrily. He then stormed out, and his guards followed. I slumped into a corner. Wyatt was going to go through with it. Allie and everyone else were doomed. I hoped my words had gotten to him, but I doubted it. I knew then that he had already been pushed to far. No one could save him. If there was any chance of saving the world now, he would have to die for it to be done.

………………………………

I heard footsteps again. I'd lost my watch, so I figured it was time for my execution. I tried to think of a way to escape. Instead of a demon army, however, I saw none other than Jake on the other side of my cell.

"You bastard!" I said, standing up.

"Pam, look, I feel terrible about this. I was interrogated by the other Destorrs. They forced it out of me once the boss figured out that the double-crosser was still at large."

"So you knocked me out and turned me in while I was blithely reliving some childhood memories?"

"That wasn't me. They sent an assassin so I wouldn't let you go. I'm on trial here, too. I could end up in this very cell."

"So why are you here now?"

"To get you out. I don't care if I get arrested anymore. I realized that it doesn't matter that you're a witch, and if I feel that Lord Wyatt isn't the best leader, then he must be doing something wrong. From now on, I work with you." He punched in a code and the cell door opened. He stepped up to me and stretched out his hand. "C'mon."

Sure, he seemed eager to go be good, but did he expect me to just forget everything he'd done in the past few days? I had to choose. Did I trust him and escape, or would he lead me right into another trap? For all I knew, he could be the one sent to execute me. I remembered Cole Turner, the demon my mother had foolishly loved. He had nearly killed her several times. Who was to say Jake wouldn't do the same thing?

"Please Pam, trust me," he begged. "I love you." I bit my lip, closed my eyes, and decided to let my heart choose. I finally took a deep breath, reached out, and grabbed his hand. He pulled me to him. "I knew you'd believe me." We kissed.

"I'm sorry for doubting you. I-I love you, Jake."

"C'mon, let's get out of here."

"No, wait," I said. "Do you know the way to Wyatt's Throne Room?"

"Yes, why?"

"I have to face him."

"Face him? Not alone! You'll never stand a chance! Let's go get reinforcements!" Jake persuaded.

"There's no time. His potion's about to be completed. Don't worry, I won't be alone. Just take me there."

"Okay." Jake agreed, although he didn't fully understand what I meant. He took me by the hand and led me down the corridors.

_Heaven bent to take my hand_

_And lead me through the fire._

_Be the long awaited answer_

_To a long and painful fight._

_Truth be told I've tried my best_

_But somewhere along the way_

_I got caught up in all there was to offer._

_And the cost was so much more than I could bear._

_Though I've tried, I've fallen_

_I have sunk so low._

_I've messed up,_

_Better I should know._

_So don't you come 'round here, _

_And tell me I told you so._

_We all begin with good intent,_

_Love was raw and young._

_We believed that we could change ourselves, _

_The past could be undone._

_But we carry on our backs the burden time always reveals._

_In the lonely light of morning_

_In the wound that would not heal._

_It's the bitter taste of loosing everything that I've held so dear_

_I've fallen_

_I have sunk so low._

_I've messed up,_

_Better I should know._

_So don't you come 'round here_

_And tell me I told you so._

_Heaven bent to take my hand_

_No where left to turn._

_I'm lost to those I thought were friends,_

_To everyone I know._

_Oh they turn their heads embarrassed,_

_Pretend that they don't see._

_But it's one missed step, you'll slip before you know it._

_And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed._

_Though I've tried, I've fallen_

_I have sunk so low._

_I've messed up, better I should know._

_So don't you come 'round here_

_And tell me I told you so._

………………………………

Meanwhile, Wyatt was in his throne room, looking out at the dystopia below. He was the one who created it. He'd caused thousands of people pain, and more people's worlds were darkened every day. He thought about what I had said. The Elders, the greatest force of good ever, were the ones that prevented his mother from being healed seven years ago. Because of it, and because of what demons had told him, Wyatt had grown to understand that good was the evil in the world. But I had been right, he _was_ disgracing his mother. However, Wyatt couldn't just abruptly turn to good and set me free. People would question him, consider him weak, kill him, fight for the crown, set off the potion, and doom themselves. He would be lynched if he changed, and tortured with misery and guild for the rest of his life if he didn't. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. He sighed as he rested his head against the cold window.

_I hurt myself today_

_To see if I still feel._

_I focus on the pain._

_The only thing that's real._

_The needle tears a hole._

_The old familiar sting._

_Try to kill it all away_

_But I remember everything._

_What have I become?_

_My sweetest friend._

_Everyone I know_

_Goes away_

_In the end._

_And you could have it all._

_My empire of dirt._

_I will let you down._

_I will make you hurt._

_I wear this crown of thorns_

_Upon my liar's chair._

_Full of broken thoughts_

_I cannot repair._

_Beneath the stains of time_

_The feelings disappear._

_You are someone else._

_I am still right here._

_What have I become?_

_My sweetest friend._

_Everyone I know_

_Goes away_

_In the end._

_And you could have it all._

_My empire of dirt._

_I will let you down._

_I will make you hurt._

_If I could start again,_

_A million miles away,_

_I would keep myself._

_I would find a way._

………………………………

"Here's the entrance to the throne room," Jake said. We stopped to catch our breath.

"You stay out here," I instructed. "I don't want to put you in any danger."

"But… what if you don't make it back?"

"I will," I assured, kissing him again. In reality, I had no idea whether or not I'd ever return.

"What's your plan?" Jake asked.

"I'm going to get all of the Halliwells to fight with me," I answered.

"What? But nearly everyone is—"

"Dead, I know. Watch." I closed my eyes to remember the spell. "Powers of the witches rise… course unseen across the skies… come to me who calls you near… come to me and… settle here." I sighed in relief that I had remembered the whole thing. Orbs of light instantly flooded down through the ceiling and into my body. I was knocked off my feet.

"Pam!" Jake said, concerned at what was going on.

"It's okay!" I told him. Finally the lights stopped. I picked myself up off the floor. "Now to see if it worked." I waved my hand at the wall, and a large chunk of plaster came flying loose. "Thanks, Aunt Piper," I whispered.

"Did you just pour the powers of _all _of your ancestors into yourself?" Jake asked. I nodded. "How are you going to control everything?"

"I'll find a way," I said. "Hopefully the Halliwell spirits will guide me." I kissed Jake. "Wish me luck."

………………………………

I swung open the doors and saw Wyatt by the window. He turned to face me.

"Don't come any closer. I'm warning you!" I said. My body was shaking with anticipation. I was going to kill my cousin, and I knew it.

"So you escaped, I see," Wyatt said. He sounded depressed. "Well done."

I looked at him, puzzled. "Aren't you going to attack me?"

"What for? You've already won. Everything you said was true. I can't turn to your side without being lynched, and I will be a soul tortured with guilt for the rest of my life if I stay here and set off this potion." I blinked, not moving an inch. "Unless…" He outstretched his arms. "You vanquish me."

"What?" I asked.

"Isn't that what you came to do?"

"Well, yes, but… if there's still a good soul in you, then how can I…"

"Pam, I order you… as your ruler and relative… to strike me down."

I was nearly hyperventilating. What to do? Wyatt wasn't happy here… he would be happier with his mother in heaven… and ever since my mother's death it had been my vendetta to stop him. But shouldn't he and Chris resolve their differences? How could I bring myself to kill someone who wasn't evil, especially someone I had grown up with? It was completely against my moral values as a good witch.

"Please, Pam…" he begged. He was nearly crying. I had to put him out of his agony. My hand was shaking as I raised it in front of me. I almost turned back, but finally I decided to get it over with. I concentrated as hard as I could, and thrust both of my hands forwards. I cried out as I felt the power escape them. The shout was in struggle, regret, power, sadness… everything. I'm not sure which powers came out of me- it must've been a combination of Aunt Prue's and Aunt Piper's, just magnified by all of the other Halliwells who could do that as well. As soon as the force hit Wyatt, he screamed too. Not only did I blow his arm off, but he went flying through the window. I instantly rushed over.

"Thank you!" Wyatt screamed weakly as he fell twelve stories to the ground. Hundreds of shrieks emitted from the people below. I fell to my knees and placed my head on the windowsill. I didn't care if there were tiny glass shards there. Some had hit me earlier, and I was already bleeding. I sobbed as I watched everyone run around frantically. What had I done?

Jake rushed in. "Pam, what—" He saw the rubble. "Oh." I stood to face him, crying my eyes out. He hugged me. "It's okay," he comforted, "You did what you had to do." My sobs were muffled by Jake's shoulder.

_Late night_

_Early morning_

_We talked until there was nothing left to say_

_It was strange_

_The war was on_

_But I've never felt so safe_

_And I've never seen better days_

_You laughed_

_You understood_

_Something unfamiliar_

_And I didn't think I could feel this way_

_I was cold_

_And tired_

_And the world outside was hungry_

_But I've never seen better days_

_Better days_

_No I've never seen better days_

_And nights were tragic_

_But it didn't seem to matter_

_It was easier then_

_To turn the other way_

_From the ruins_

_Of rage_

_I guess_

_We were scared_

_But I've never seen better days_

_Better days_

_No I've never seen better days_

_And when_

_I kissed you_

_Concealing my confusion_

_Of what I knew_

_But just couldn't say_

_I love you, I love you_

_Oh, how I love you_

_And I've never seen better days_

_Better days_

_No I've never seen better days_

_The end is here_

_The end is here_

_The end is here_

_And I've never seen better days_

_Better days_

_No I've never seen better days_

………………………………

TWO YEARS LATER

"Pam?" Allie asked me.

"What?" I answered. We were both looking out the palace window at the city below.

"Is it hard to rule everyone?" she asked.

"Well, yes, it is… but I have to," I answered.

I recalled all that had happened since Wyatt's death. The potion had been destroyed, Allie's powers had been unbound, she and the Reeses moved into the palace with Jake and me, and Chris and I had reconciled our differences. Everything was almost back to normal… But nearly seven years of fighting for my life still had an effect on me. My personality was never quite the same. As for ruling all that Wyatt ruled… it was extremely hard. Especially since now magic was practiced openly.

"If you could find someone more capable, would you?" Jake asked, approaching from the other room.

"Of course I would," I said. "But there is no one. Chris and Bianca are going to have a kid soon, it would be unfair to push all this over on him. Especially since I'm the oldest, I'm responsible. There's no one else."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," I heard a voice say. I spun around in shock as I saw before me my mom, along with my aunts Prue, Piper, and Paige. Instantly I ran up and hugged them all.

"Aunt Piper, I am _so _sorry about Wyatt. Please don't hate me. I-I…"

"Shh," she cut me off, smiling. "I understand. You had no choice. He wasn't himself anymore. Evil had consumed him. But, in the two years since he's been with us, he's changed. He's good again."

I turned back to Jake.

"How did you…?" I asked him.

"I didn't," he answered. "Allie did."

"You summoned all four of them?" I asked her. She grinned proudly. "Good job, honey!" I smiled, hugging her. Our mom soon joined in the hug.

"Why did you bring them here, anyway?" I asked Allie.

"Well," my mom began, "You _were_ just saying that you had too stressful a job…"

"So we'd like to give you a normal life back," Aunt Piper finished.

"As normal as you can get as a Halliwell, anyway," Aunt Paige commented.

"We're going to take your place," Aunt Prue explained. "Who's better to rule an openly-magical world than the Power of Four, right?"

"That you guys _so _much!" I said, hugging them again. I was practically in tears by now. "Oh, wait!" I realized. "Chris! Could you come here for a second?" I called. Soon he orbed in.

"Pam, what-" He stopped mid-sentence as soon as he saw the four long-lost women standing there. "Mom!" he exclaimed. Aunt Piper ran over and embraced him. I walked over to Jake.

"Who's idea was this?" I asked him.

"Mine, of course," he boasted playfully.

"You're a genius," I said, kissing him.

_Hey baby, see the future that we're building? _

_Our love goes on_

_In the lives of our children. _

_And that's something_

_Something worth leaving behind…_

THE END

A/N: I've been working on a good sequel idea forever, but I think I finally have it now! It's got an xmas theme, so unfortunately it's gonna seem out of place when it's posted later in the season, but whatever… the title will be "Reunion."

So, did you like it? Did you think it was terrible? Please review!


End file.
